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The Devil's handmaiden

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(no subject) [Mar. 22nd, 2013|03:13 am]
The Devil's handmaiden
seriously you know something is wrong when even your spots are out to get you
no really

it's thursday - aka halo night, so expecting an influx I made a moussaka (very yummy btw) and then they decided that it wasn't a good night for halo so instead of invading they went out for dinner, but didn't tell me until i put the freaking thing in the oven
so slightly pissed - understandably, (sorted out my portion put rest in freezer - your loss suckas!) but played tomb raider for a bit and throwing her off tall buildings will never not be stress reducing, getting her up there is stress causing (actually in this game not so much you never feel threatened, however how many minions are there on the island??? and it's been twenty years and she still steers like a shopping trolley, you point her in one direction she goes where the hell she likes) had a nap, got up and noticed I had a zit
a zit that once I noticed it hurt like the burning of a thousand suns
so i went to the bathroom to put some witch hazel on it like a normal person, i dabbed it with the cotton pad and SPLOOSH it exploded, all over the mirror, it was disgusting, and I managed to get witch hazel in the open wound - which then wouldn't stop bleeding.
and not just a large drop, running down my face oh my god i think i popped an artery bleeding
so it stung, there was blood everywhere and I had to get a band aid
so I get asked why I have a band aid on my nose - like adam freakin ant btw - and my house mate who was aware of everything that happened went - oh don't poke her when she's like this, even her zits are passive aggressive

i hate thursdays - really - it's like if it's going to go wrong it'll do it on a thursday
and now my nose hurts
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The Cabin in the Woods [Mar. 16th, 2013|04:38 pm]
The Devil's handmaiden
So I finally got around to watching this

And...

it was okay. I can see why so many people lauded it, praising it but I am a horror fiend, I've seen so many in so many languages that nothing bothers me any more, this might have been fun with liquor and friends because the countdowns were so predictable
but I had seen it all before
The concept of the office watching it was directly lifted from Cube 0 (which while better than cube 2 was not a patch on cube 1) the very idea of the universe which existed to pick them off was from Cube as well
there was the cenobites, oh look she's from... random werewolf and the crappiest merman i've seen in a long time - and I was really excited to see the merman so it was a huge let down. Oh look, a kraken

If you're not a huge horror buff I imagine that it would be fun, I can see why it became such a sleeper hit, but I think they missed a trick at the ending, because if Sigourney Weaver had managed it then it would be open, it would be possibly real, but the ending made it completely unreal, as it were. Any sense of lingering horror was smooshed by a giant stone hand.

I liked that it used the cliches, but there is using the cliches and then there is stealing from everything and doing so with a nod, which it did, they were our nightmares, cribbed from movies and books and it was deliberate but when the main idea itself is cribbed from something so obscure only I would have seen it then I get narked, because Cube deserves everyone to watch it, it deserves someone taking the effort and maybe suffering through the sucky sequels, the lifts, the office, even the snark, all of that came from Cube and that annoyed me, because no bugger has watched that and it's awesome.

Because one thing that was amazing about Cube and no bugger has bothered with since is the complete and utter lack of exposition, why are they in the cube, who knows, what is the cube, who knows, all you need to know is that they are in something (we know it's a cube from the title) and that some of the rooms are deadly, some are very deadly, and there is a pattern to the safe rooms, if you know where to look.

Everyone praised cabin in the woods for it's originality, but what happens when you've seen the movies that it stole from, the ones which were original - you just get let down
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(no subject) [Mar. 14th, 2013|03:36 am]
The Devil's handmaiden
there are things as a writer which bug me
and one of which is the complete inability to actually teach the science of the language

now not to toot my own bugle but I have a masters in english, focussing on english language and composition. I know this shit because I studied it.

But here's the thing, it wasn't until I was doing my A=levels that someone bothered to explain at any point who to format a sentence, how paragraphing worked.
They were so busy trying to teach me the symbolism of shakespeare and stuff like that that there was never any by the way this is how it works lessons, you just got marked down if you got it wrong.

So when I'm reading fic, published or fanfic, and there is a mistake I don't immediately jump down the author's throat about it, I get that "Morrison" hand wave and complain about the education system.
I think it's why the English speaking nations are so crap at learning languages, because all of a sudden we're being asked to recognise pluperfect verbs in the transitive form when even the words in our own language sound like gobbledygook.

Seriously I had a bachelors degree before I understood Subject object verb orders, and then I was working with German when it clicked.

And so I get frustrated, because I do think it's important, in many ways although writing is an art it's like sitting down with an artist and showing them what the tools are for. Words aren't our tools, they're our palatte, but grammar and punctuation are our tools. We use them to manipulate words to create effect, that effect is what gives the reader a sense of pleasure. And it's not knowing the difference between a colon and a semi colon or phonemes versus graphemes or when to use juxtapositioning and when to use paradox or any of the complicated stuff that people get wrong.

It's when to make a paragraph break. Or when to use a comma. What clauses need to be bracketed in inserts, or which can stand alone. It's run on sentences (cough looks shifty as is terrible for this). Or passive voice.

And stupid things like that, that over and over again people get wrong because no one took the time to teach them it, because we're native speakers we obviously learn this crap in the womb or something. I hate when an otherwise awesome work is ruined by bad layout. When a story that should be powerful is shafted by confusing dialogue placement. When sentences make no sense, (although there is a bit in White Butterfly with an otherwise perfectly good sentence where Crawford talks like Yoda) or contradict themselves because of word placement.

I don't think most of you need to know about Alexandrines or enjambment or spondees.

But how to write a simple sentence, how to write a complex sentence, when to use each - that's important.

And yet sometimes I feel if I try to take the writer aside and say look, you have stabbed your fic in the back because no one taught you to do this I'm the villain. We need somewhere where people can go, betas included (because betaing means more than just spell checking) where they can see how it's done. A reference.

I just don't want to be the one to write it.
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(no subject) [Mar. 12th, 2013|02:29 pm]
The Devil's handmaiden
I got hacked
so if you got an email from me and weren't expecting it
just delete it, sorry
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(no subject) [Feb. 26th, 2013|04:36 pm]
The Devil's handmaiden
Random fan thing is random

When i wrote Revenant I did it as a fusion with a series of games - never at any point hiding this fact although I get comments quite regularly (despite the notes announcing this) pointing it out

but here's the thing the games are OLD now and so were hard to come across (unless you were a huge fan like me and refused to give up your ps2 just so you could replay them over and over licking the screen and practically masturbating to the dialogue)

well GOG.COM have remastered and released FOUR of the five games for modern PCs at next to nothing cost ($5.99 each)
the only one missing is the first one Blood Omen which unlike these ones which play like tomb raider plays like zelda
I know one person that has finished the first Blood Omen game (it's HARD) and I didn't even use it as a model for Revenant but here's the thing
the Legacy of Kain games are AWESOME! with a capslock firmly on
they are beautiful in a gothic way without being Goth, they are voiced by truly talented actors (a rarity) which include the chap who did Dom Frollo from Disney's Hunchback (so the guy who sang hellfire) and their scores are gorgeous

also if you play Soulreaver it is physically impossible to die in that game, not because it's easy but because you're already dead, you die in physical form you go to the spectral realm (which you can do at will), you die in spectral form you get pinged back to the very start position where you can (if you've unlocked them) teleport to where you were. It's awesome and under rated and now you have no excuse.
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Sex Education [Feb. 26th, 2013|03:48 pm]
The Devil's handmaiden
In a fic I'm working on a teenage boy gets a horrific sex education, in that the person teaches him holds no punches, shows him photos, specimens in jars and leaves him with the mantra safe sex is good, unsafe sex makes your dick rot off and then you die
and there is part of me that wonders if the americans will react to this (it's an M rated fic I'm not worried about it being too explicit) but I have to explain some things.

I am British and I went to a Catholic School
(if you have any images of SG in a sexy school girl's uniform put that out of your head now, think a burka with a blazer and tie and doc marten boots, and you'd be getting there. It was deliberately shapeless and we wore layers upon layers, we were encouraged to wear leggings under out a-line skirts over our thick black woolly tights because of the cold, seriously, we were like undercover superheroes because we wore that many layers - it could be snowing in school and go down the hill and it was a lovely hot day)

but I got my sex education from a nun - now you immediately think this would be abstinence first but it wasn't, it was frank, disgusting and you never need to see a nun who has seen better centuries putting a condom on a rubber dildo - it's wrong but it worked
we were encouraged to have questions, to think things through and we were shown videos of women giving birth, men having pus removed from their penises because of stds and a hundred other things and the motto was - god put you on the earth with the design to have sex, but the devil got there and made it dangerous, so if you're going to do it do it safely or the devil will get you make your bits rot off and then you'll go to hell.
Our school had the lowest teen pregnancy rate in the county (there are 20 something secondary schools in Derbyshire) but we also had it for the east midlands - this included some same sex schools
in all the time I went there (5 years secondary, 2 years college) of all the students there - there was ONE teen pregnancy, and she was too young for the sex ed talk.

we weren't taught that sex was bad and abstinence was the way but that abstinence was a choice and so was sex, and no means no, that sometimes you might say yes when you meant no because of pressure but it was a decision that you had to live with and if any boy pressured you to have sex (as opposed to peer pressure) to kick him in the nuts and consider him let off easy

we also had the same nun, Sister Patrick, giving a rape safety class, in front of the entire year with several members of the police. We were taught that it happens and that sometimes there is nothing you can do but that doesn't make you to blame, it's the (and I quote) fuckwit who thinks that he has the fucking right to do what he wants and should get his fucking nuts cut off for it. (Sister Patrick worked in a rape crisis centre before becoming a teacher) We were taught that if you thought someone was following you go to the nearest building with lights on and knock on the door, tell them you think someone was following you and you're scared and call the police.

If there are no lights on nearby start yelling FIRE! why fire I hear you ask, because people will ignore screams thinking they're drunks but they'll run towards a fire. This was taught to the boys and the girls, we were ALL, every single student, given a rape alarm and a whistle, and Sister Patrick explained that boys got raped too - with diagrams helpfully - and that sometimes girls raped boys as well that it wasn't just boys raping girls. That if you say no and mean no then no matter what it was rape. We were taught that a strange person sniffing your hair without your permission was sexual assault. We were taught that if a person fondles you without permission it's sexual assault.

one police officer actually clapped when she was finished and said the best way to stop rape is not to wrap the victims up in clothes like burkas but was education and that this school was rightly proud of it's education system. We weren't taught self defence (although when I was there a serial rapist was arrested less than half an hours walk from the school) we were taught where possible to walk in groups and what to do when we couldn't.

We were taught about sex and it's dangers with no shame or circumspection IN A CATHOLIC SCHOOL, we were, at age fourteen I add, given condoms and lubes and told the safest sex was solo sex (because you can't catch syphillis from your own hand) and that sex was at it's heart something god gave us to enjoy, but to enjoy responsibly.

(we were also given talks on driving safely complete with photos of car crashes and dismembered bodies, and drinking safely complete with an alcoholic's liver in a jar)

but here's the thing, maybe getting an old nun to give these talks was cruel and unusual punishment but it worked. Education is the only way to prevent these things and so when teenage relatives come to me with questions they're too embarrassed to ask their mum I answer them, I take them to the chemist and buy them supplies (and in one case a vibrator) because there should be no stigma to sex, we should be able to talk about it frankly, openly and in some cases present it as the horror that it can be.

The UK is fast catching up with America for the amount of teen pregnancies, but here's the thing, I read in the local newspaper that the school I went to, still doesn't have that problem.

Children need to be told, and sometimes the parents too, because they weren't taught this stuff, they picked it up from hearsay and bad information. And if it takes a penis in a jar to teach them, it's better than them dying because they didn't put a condom on.
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(no subject) [Feb. 20th, 2013|02:52 pm]
The Devil's handmaiden
I watched the first episode of Cult, the new "it" show on the CW

looks like someone else other than me enjoys poking the SPN fans
snerk
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(no subject) [Feb. 19th, 2013|10:59 pm]
The Devil's handmaiden
hello my name is SG and every time I menstruate I have to poke the supernatural fans on tumblr
seriously, it's like an addiction
it's like this, get me chocolate, a hot water bottle, a packet of allways Night pads (which are like fricking huggies pull ups btw) and tumblr I have Sam girls to irritate

I do this consistently, I become like the world's worst troll by trying to prove to them that in a show where everyone is a douche (which is it's main selling point) so is Saint Sam of Winchester, and that he is mostly a douche to his brother

the thing is I know better, I know it's like talking to sand not because they're stupid but because they will not listen no matter how well your illustrate your point, and then they arm themselves with literary arguments like lalalala I'm not listening and gather around in little covens to reassure themselves that Saint Sammy's hair is still shining just for them.

which just makes it worse, I want to poke them more, until they turn into rabid fanbrats and start frothing at the mouth and name calling at which point I consider reporting them to tumblr for bullying.

And it is me being an asshat, I know it happens, I know every time I get menstrual (which fortunately is only about four times a year) I suddenly get a bit touchy and the sam girls on my tumblr will turn me from my usual Jigglypuff self (laid back, whatever) into a full on Judge Dredd riding a raptor riding a shark loaded with guns and flamethrowers.

I know I shouldn't poke them, I do, but they make it so easy, they just do, it

they had to take me away from the internet tonight, i kid you not, before I explained, with shakespeare, exactly why sam is a douche!
but the joy of it is, I wouldn't have watched supernatural unless everyone on it was a douche, it's the reason I couldn't watch the vampire diaries or none of the the rest of that tween supernatural bullshit, spn gave me characters who were by their very fallacies human, who fucked up and made things worse and who fucked each other up, but I am apparently "a sam hater" despite having spent the best part of a year writing a 70k epic where sam was the main character
but it's like donuts, you know you shouldnt' eat them, most of the time you don't, but then they're there going eat me, eat me, and so you do and just regret it

now you know me, normally I do not Name and Shame with my things but this one I had to

http://toburnhisbrothersbones.tumblr.com/post/43516678772/athenadark-sammywasasunbeam-athenadark
if you check the notes I answered honestly, fairly and about the J2 issue about body types and character ranges in a separate response, but seriously, people, I'm an asshat for trolling, yes, I will admit that, but I don't devolve to name calling or insults, now do i, i presented an argument and backed my shit up,
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BDSM Au's [Feb. 18th, 2013|01:10 pm]
The Devil's handmaiden
[Tags|, ]

Ever want to take a writer and just shake them until some sense falls out
I ran across this the other day, I was trying to find a nice short bdsm au to make a point with, and instead I found the most offensive piece of ..... that I have read in a long time, and don't get me wrong, I didn't read a lot of it.

In this fic the government divided the populace into Subs and Doms, with ratings btw, based on a personality test, this same government body then designated a submissive to each dominant whether or not the submissive or dominant wanted the relationship. It really was, congrats, you're eighteen, and you're a slave, here's your master, kkthxbai

so after trying to calm down enough not to flay the skin off the writer's back (a female writer btw) and following a slew of other writers who commented either, i love the idea of this so hot - (eyebrow at maximum, captain) or you are a sick freak this is sexual slavery (I came in category b, just worded slightly nicer) I did write the author and explain that she had written dystopic slavery au - not bdsm au and she clearly knew absolutely nothing about bdsm and here's some handy links, now fuck off and let me take the anti emetic i needed after reading your work.

And thats the problem in a nutshell.

I love the ideas of BDSM au's, I really do, but in execution they are offensive and put the civil rights movement back thousands of years, because the authors know absolutely nothing about how the dynamic works.

And what hurts, what really gets me in my core, is that we are intelligent women who enjoy rights that we have fought for and had people die for, and it's not perfect, but it's better. This is the same part of me that wants to take Stephanie Meyer aside and explain exactly why what she's writing is so offensive (as well as being shit writing) and I am not a rabid feminist.

When I wrote No Sword where I dealt with a magical marriage there is a line in it said by Charles - it is the purpose of the living to make meaningful the sacrifices of the dead.

And this sums it up for me, whether we agree with them or not these people suffered and died that we could have these freedoms and I can understand exploring a dark future to present a horror, Margaret Atwood did it, but for the titilation of a few other giggling girls, it genuinely makes me sick.

And to make it worse when done right, I'm looking at xanthe here, because as much as I disapprove of her character's sartorial choices (the leather trousers!) she writes equality with the CHOICE to give up rights. She writes a world where even the remaining segregation (non-dynamic monosexual) can be shrugged off with a "but where do you meet people?"

And the worst thing is poor xanthe is probably to blame because she pulled it off.

I've read BDSM fics involving erotic penguin costumes (I won't name and shame) I've written bdsm where the only person who didn't realise that submission was a choice was the submissive who had clearly chosen. I've read slave fics and fics of consensual pain and blood play. I've written rape fantasy.

But I won't write Non-con, and I very rarely read it. I think it can be handled well, but I'm wondering if simply tagging it non-con the writers are disassociating it with rape. I'm wondering if we're not taking alpha/omega and bdsm dynamics and substituting those terms for rape. I see the words biological imperative and I see the same men that used biology as an excuse to rape as many women as they could. I see the excuses and she was gagging for it, and because she wore a short skirt it was her fault

and I see a generation of young girls propagating this and I physically want to be sick.

I work with a publisher that allows a lot of leniency with kink, but I know that my editor would have refused Fifty Shades of Grey because it promoted unsafe bdsm practices. I can see her grating her teeth and casting out whips of flame to these authors before sending them off with a flea in their ear.

The same freedom we get to write means they CAN write these things, but don't you feel a little betrayed that they do?
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Scenes from a rape culture [Feb. 10th, 2013|04:37 pm]
The Devil's handmaiden
This appeared on my tumblr dash and I was actually silenced (for a few moments anyway)

[TW: Sexual Assault]

His lips crushed mine, stopping my protest. He kissed me angrily, roughly, his other hand gripping tight around the back of my neck, making escape impossible. I shoved against his chest with all my strength, but he didn’t even seem to notice. His mouth was soft, despite the anger, his lips molding to mine in a warm, unfamiliar way.

I grabbed at his face, trying to push it away, failing again. He seemed to notice this time, though, and it aggravated him. His lips forced mine open, and I could feel his hot breath in my mouth.

Acting on instinct, I let my hands drop to my side, and shut down. I opened my eyes and didn’t fight, didn’t feel… just waited for him to stop.




Twilight: Eclipse p. 331 (Bella and Jacob’s first kiss)

This is rape culture.

Young women are taught to think of this passage - which describes sexual assault - as erotic. Young men are taught to force their will on young women, regardless of any (non)verbal cues, because sex is conquest and women are objects - not something to be done between two consenting individuals because it’s pleasurable for both people.

tumblr user clockward submitted this to us. read at your leisure.

The lines before that:

He still had my chin—his fingers holding too tight, till it hurt—and I saw the resolve form abruptly in his eyes.
“N—-” I started to object, but it was too late.

And after he assaulted her she punched him in the face but due to his “super human strength” she broke her hand, said “Don’t touche me!” and then:

“Just let me drive you home,” Jacob insisted. Unbelievably, he had the nerve to wrap his arm around my waist.

I jerked away from him.


And then:

When he got in the driver’s side, he was whistling.

AND THEN while he was driving:

“…There is so much I can give you that he can’t. I’ll bet he couldn’t even kiss you like that—-because he would hurt you. I would never, never hurt you, Bella.”

I held up my injured hand.

He sighed. “That wasn’t my fault. You should have known better.”


And then:

He grinned over at me. “You kissed me back.”

I gasped, unthinkingly balling my hands up into fists again, hissing when my broken hand reacted.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I did not.”

“I think I can tell the difference.”

“Obviously you can’t——that was not kissing back, that was trying to get you the hell off me, you idiot.”

He laughed a low, throaty laugh. “Touchy. Almost overly defensive, I would say.

I took a deep breath. There was no point in arguing with him; he would twist anything I said.


Then when she gets home, to where her father, Charlie, the police officer, is:

“Why did she hit you?”

“Because I kissed her,” Jacob said, unashamed.

“Good for you, kid,” Charlie congratulated him.


(via wejustkeepswimming)

I didn’t read the citation first. I read the quote. I thought I was reading a woman’s account of how she was about to be raped, not a fucking passage from a romance novel.

(via karenfelloutofbedagain)

This cannot be tolerated, this is teaching girls that rape is alright as long as he "loves" you.
I hated it for it's 50's housewife bullshit but this....
The one problem is I simply have no idea how to take this forward without setting fire to bookstores, or possibly arranging a mob of flaming torches and pitchforks outside Miss Meyer's house

because the WORST thing, the absolute punch to the kidneys here, is that it is written by a WOMAN

we need to go beyond just twilight bashing, we need to do something and we need to do something visual to say this bullshit cannot go on, it will not be tolerated
and I'm actually considering a book burning, except then we actually have to buy copies to burn and that "supports" her.

One billion rising is an anti rape/violence against women charity showing that we need to take a stand
http://onebillionrising.org/pages/share-your-plans
and it encourages people to act, to bring awareness to this problem

so make suggestions, if we can agree on one, I'll arrange it!
agorophobia be damned, this cannot stand
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